This topic of dealing with negative emotions is timely, given the recent school shooting in Florida and the rash of treats we are hearing about being posted on social media. Clearly, it appears we are getting less inept at dealing with negative emotions in a healthy way. Negative emotions aren't bad - it's very natural and we all face unpleasant times. It's not the emotions that are harmful, but how we handle those emotions that can be harmful. Feeling hurt, disappointed, 'off' -- all of that is part of life and it's important to feel the feels. Feelings, while sometimes unpleasant, can't hurt us -- but how we handle those feelings can (violence, addiction, guilt, anger, denial, etc.).
I'm not sure where the breakdown occurs... I know as a parent I am absolutely guilty of wanting to protect my child from feeling unpleasant feelings (I want his basketball team to win, I don't want him to feel left out at school, I want him to make A's, feel valuable, be well liked amongst his peers, not be bored so he gets too much screen time, etc.). And while my heart is in the right place of wanting him to be happy, am I denying the opportunity to practice vital coping skills that are exercised when we face adversity? Something to consider: he can learn to deal with 'low stakes' disappointment now when we have more control over his environment and coach him through his feelings and actions, or he can learn it when he is older when the stakes are higher and we have less control over him. Example: a 7 year old tantrum is a lot less destructive than an 18 year old who is basically having a tantrum.
Social media also brings a whole other aspect to this discussion. Most of us make posts that we want to share with others - the good times and the pictures that make us look like we have it all together. From Facebook or our filtered pictures on Instagram, it looks like everyone is living a happy go lucky, easy life. Of course, that's not true, but if you are viewing the world through the social media lens, it's easy to think that way. How isolating and desperate it must feel for someone struggling to feel like they are the only person feeling that way.
Social media has also worked to desensitize us - we 'think' we know people, when in fact we aren't having true interactions. It's a poor substitute for genuine relationships and as people, most of us need genuine relationships. We have been desensitized to accept non-civil behavior. For some reason the computer screen provides us a shield of saying things we would never dream of saying in a face-to-face conversation, so we get loose with our words. We see those who aren't with us as 'the enemy' instead of friends who just have a different viewpoint. Also, social media provides us a place to gather with like minded people -- which isn't a bad thing, but social psychology tell us that group think can be dangerous. The 'us vs. them' mentality may feel good initially (who doesn't like feeling you are on the 'right' side??) but it isn't always healthy.
Bottom line: It's important to LEARN (and as parents and teachers, TEACH) how to handle negative emotions in a healthy way. We've seen the damage that can be done when people cannot regulate their negative feelings - people act out with violence or addiction, destroying their own lives and in many case they destroy others lives too.
Just a few of my rambling thoughts... And I don't have any answers on how to fix the problem, other than starting with taking action with those around you. Be kind everyone! I am reminded of a quote, "we may not be able to change the world, but we can change someone's world today."
Peptalk/Soapbox over.
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